What We Don’t Ask

Let’s talk about something that is so super important, but no one really talks about it.

It’s not sex, politics, or money. (maybe another time!)

It’s more personal. It’s your…


Why do you do…anything?

Acting With Intention
So very often we move throughout our daily routine like robots – programmed to accomplish everything.  We move so fast and fall into bed exhausted and we are not sure what just happened; but we know we did it all – wearing it like a badge of honor when talking about it at cocktail parties and telling people about “everything we do.” We do these things mechanically and most likely, without intention. When did life become a contest “Whoever does the most stuff wins!” ?  But what is our intention behind what we do and say?

Most of us don’t learn how to act with intention in school, and I’m going to go out on a limb here, but I doubt most parents were intentionally modeling or teaching Intention either.

Acting with intention can be difficult, but possible and its affects can be exactly what you were looking for.

Unconscious Movement

If we move throughout our day unconsciously, we aren’t moving with intention.  When we are conscious of ourselves, our desires and our situations, then we can act with intention and get the results we truly want.

Let’s take a moment and think about it.  What is your true intention? Not the intention that you “think” you should say like “oh I always try to be nice,” but dig deep, be honest and think about the intention you truly have – at work, with your partner, with your kids, on social media. Maybe it is to…

    Be right

    Show you are smart

    Be the best

    Not get in trouble

    Share knowledge

    Earn the most money

    Be funny

    Be compassionate

    Be in control

    Show your power

    Feel strong

    Show them who’s boss

    Be loving, appreciative and accepting

Do your results align with what you intended?

Intention = Cause

The intention behind how we act is the Cause in the scenario and we set the tone for the Response, the Effect.  Yup, it’s all on us and we get what we give. If we are loving and supportive in how we speak with someone, it is most likely that is what comes back to us.  Conversely if we let our ego in and our intention is to be right, the response could be defensive, hostile and ego-based as well. Our intentions breed reactions.

We’ve all seen it –

  • The business that cuts corners so they can save money, resulting in a faulty product and lawsuit.
  • The parent who demands perfection from their child so they feel like an amazing parent, resulting in the child taking on habits and actions that are worse and harmful to the child, and in the ego mind of the parent make them feel like a failure
  • The manager who tries to control their employees so his boss thinks he is a good manager, resulting in a disloyal team who jumps ship after bonus time and a boss who thinks the manager can’t retain employees.

These individuals don’t actively want these outcomes – to the contrary! But their ego and fears are driving their intentions so they don’t get the desired results.

The Bottom-line

Our ego thinks we need to be strong, right, rich, beautiful and better because it is scared – like a child. The ego thinks we need to be these things so we won’t get hurt and so others will like us, love us, enjoy being around us. The ego just wants to be loved.  When it isn’t loved, it acts like a child and has a fit (wah!).

When we act from a place of love and truth, amazing things happen. To get there, try the following:

1.) Find your tipping point – Next time you feel yourself boiling, simply take a moment to recognize that moment and become aware of what you are feeling, thinking, how you are inclined to act. (If it is difficult to find this point, then perhaps you can find it by looking back at an explosive moment and discover where you made the decision to react as you did).  Being mindful of this moment will be extremely helpful. When you find the tipping point and uncover your inclinations, don’t judge yourself.  We all react. Just noticing the moment is a huge accomplishment!

2.) Choose a path that is loving. When you come to that space in time between the emotion and the reaction, you now can be mindful and choose your path.  To respond in a loving way, perhaps imagine how you would speak to a child or how you would have wanted someone to speak to you when you were a child.  When we respond in a loving and truthful way, the feeling we usually have in our body is one of being grounded, solid, light and clear vs one of feeling like a tornado out of control, dazed and confused.

It isn’t easy and nothing is perfect, but you may begin to see how choosing your intention actually results in what you wanted from the situation.

My Intention

I am going to leave you today by sharing my intentions for this blog and my coaching practice.

  • Come to you in a loving, caring and real way (faults and all!) and share information with you that I think may bring more joy and happiness to your life.
  • Help you recognize and start to overcome thoughts that are holding you back, and uncover your truest desires – then support you as you go for them!


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By reading my blog, you acknowledge that I am not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Coaching is in no way to be construed or substituted as psychological counseling or any other type of therapy or medical advice. I will at all times exercise my best professional efforts, skills and care. However, I cannot guarantee the outcome of coaching efforts and/or recommendations on my blog and my comments about the outcome are expressions of opinion only. I cannot make any guarantees other than to deliver the coaching services purchased as described.