Your Business – How To Stay In It

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is to stay in MY business.

Ok. So your mother, grandmother and teachers have been saying since you could remember “mind your own business.” But I’m betting they didn’t give you the following take on it.

I came across this during my coaching path and then while reading Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is.” Right off the bat on page 3 of the paperback, she talks about the 3 businesses.  1.) Your Business 2.) My Business 3.) God’s business (for the sake of being neutral, I call it Nature’s business). For her amazing description, I invite you to read her book. For now, here’s the interpretation I created and often use. (Yes, we could talk all day about this topic, but here’s a condensed version for now.)

Here goes…

Nature’s business is, well, nature. Acts of nature. Pretty easy.

That leaves YOUR business and MY business.

Often, we are so worried about what others are doing, that we don’t mind our business – we don’t take care of ourselves.  We are too busy looking around at others and wondering what they think we should do, that we lose track and focus of our path.  It is not MY business if you like me. I can’t make you like me. I can’t go inside your brain and make it happen. Yes, I may dress and talk in a way that you find comforting or appealing, but that is YOUR business to decide if you align with me.  Not everyone is going to like me (And honestly, I don’t know if I could handle 7 billion people liking me. That’s a lot of texts.). It is YOUR business what job you do, what organizations you belong to, if you have kids, or where you vacation. It is not my job to judge what you do. I hope you are happy and do well for yourself, but it is your business to create and follow your path – the path that feels right for you, not one that others have told you to do (and this goes for me and my path as well).

Another example…

Judy owns the ice cream parlor. Fred owns the hardware store.  It’s August and Judy see’s a line out the door at Fred’s store day after day. She can’t help it and one day she steps out of her ice cream parlor and goes to Fred’s store. She spends quite a bit of time over there looking around and wondering what is so great that everyone is there. “What am I missing?” she thinks. “What am I doing wrong?” she wonders.  “Should I do what he is doing?”  She leaves and walks back to her store.  Meanwhile, the truck dropped off her delivery. Yes, ice cream.  It is melted when she returns.  Why? Because she wasn’t in her business.  Literally.

It’s no different when we get into other people’s business.  Wanting them to do things we want them to do – friends, employees, family.  When we leave our business, we can’t take care of who we are – just like when Judy left her business, she couldn’t take care of her store (which is an extension of herself). When we look at what our competition is doing and don’t focus on our specialty, we falter.  You can’t be your competition. They are already taken. But you can be you, and exemplify what you believe in and show who you are to the market and your clients.  When you are your true self; when your business shows it’s essence, this truth resonates with people and THAT is what will make you successful, not the fake impersonation.   When we try to be like someone else, we feel awkward, fake. We don’t do a copy of them very well.

Here’s are phrases that will give you a clue that you are not in your business…

They should…

He should…

She should…

I should… (why I should? because most likely it’s peppered with reasons based on what you think will please others)

There is no blueprint for life. The bottom-line that no one tells you when you’re growing up is that we are all learning and creating as we go along.  What is right for me, may not be right for you. But when we stay in our own business, we discover what works for us and we follow that down a road that most likely has fewer bumps and makes us happier.

Who’s business are you in today?

By reading my blog, you acknowledge that I am not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Coaching is in no way to be construed or substituted as psychological counseling or any other type of therapy or medical advice. I will at all times exercise my best professional efforts, skills and care. However, I cannot guarantee the outcome of coaching efforts and/or recommendations on my blog and my comments about the outcome are expressions of opinion only. I cannot make any guarantees other than to deliver the coaching services purchased as described.