Most of you are familiar with the movie, Frozen. But what if Elsa’s mom had a life coach? What would have happened?
Read below to find out.
Coach: So tell me what’s going on.
Mom: Hmm, well, I’m not sure where to start. Um, ya see, my daughter, Elsa, has these magical powers…
Coach: Wow! Say more.
Mom: She can make things turn into ice and snow, but last night she hurt her sister, Anna, with her powers so we need her to stop using her powers so she doesn’t hurt someone else
Coach: Why?
Mom: Well if she uses her powers she could get out of control and hurt someone. I have make her hide her powers.
Coach: Wow. How do you feel about that?
Mom: I have to do it, but I feel bad. She has so much fun making snow and playing in it with her sister.
Coach: Is it true that you have to make her hide her powers?
Mom: Oh, yes.
Coach: Are you sure it’s true?
Mom: Absolutely
Coach: So when you are thinking about making Elsa hide her powers, how does your body feel.
Mom: Well, I feel anxious. My heart tightens. My head hurts. I can’t breathe.
Coach: Are there any images that come to mind as you are thinking that you have to make her hide her powers?
Mom: Yes, it’s like I’m sitting on her. Holding her down. Pushing her down. Making her stop.
Coach: How does that make you feel?
Mom: Wow. That sounds horrible. Sad. I don’t want to hold my daughter down.
Coach: How are you treating Elsa when you are thinking that you have to make her hide her powers?
Mom: Now that I think about it and see me holding her down, I’m not treating her very well. That’s so sad.
Coach: So let’s imagine for a moment, that you don’t think that you have to make her hide her powers. The thought just doesn’t exist in your head. Everything else is the same. She has her powers. Anna got hurt last night, but you don’t have that thought that you have to make Elsa hide her powers. How do you feel? Who would you be? What would you do?
Mom: Who would I be? Hmmm, well, I’d feel happier and more loving toward Elsa. Not forcing her to do something and making it seem bad. Ummm… well, (sigh) hm, I think I could find a way to help her. To help her learn how to use her powers. I could help her know what to do so she could be happy and confident. I know she feels ashamed of her power and I don’t want her to feel that way.
Coach: What else would you do? What would that look like?
Mom: Well, I see us being together. Me teaching her things. Her smiling and laughing and we are bonding. Wow, that makes me so happy.
Coach: Good. Let’s make it even better. What’s the opposite of “I have to make Elsa hide her powers”
Mom: I have to make Elsa show her powers
Coach: Ok. Are there examples you can give me about how you have to make Elsa show her powers?
Mom: Hmmm… Well, I have to make her show her powers so she knows the extent of her powers.
Coach: Ok. Another one.
Mom: I have to make Elsa show her powers so she can learn them and not be afraid of them.
Coach: Can you give me one more. One last example of how you have to make Elsa show her powers?
Mom: Well, by hiding her powers she would be hiding a part of herself. So I need her to show her powers so she can feel free and be who she is.
Coach: Great. What do you think of that?
Mom: Wow. This feels so much better. I can’t believe I was thinking I had to shut down my daughter and her powers. She is so special and I need to help her to be her amazing self.
Coach: Wonderful. Is there anything you want to do now?
Mom: Yes! I have to go call Disney and tell them the movie is off! I have a daughter to love!
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We are the guides, the rocks, the teachers, the light for our children to follow – as they discover their own. Our fears often cloud and dictate our reaction to our children’s innate curiosity and desires and interests. We love our children. How can we help our children when we stand in our own way, held down by fear of the past?
When we identify those fears and let go of them, we can look at them in a new way and see how we can help our children to be strong and who they are meant to be, not who society has taught us and wants them to be.
xoxo
Deborah
This post appeared first on Deborah Munies.
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By reading my blog, you acknowledge that I am not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Coaching is in no way to be construed or substituted as psychological counseling or any other type of therapy or medical advice. I will at all times exercise my best professional efforts, skills and care. However, I cannot guarantee the outcome of coaching efforts and/or recommendations on my blog and my comments about the outcome are expressions of opinion only. I cannot make any guarantees other than to deliver the coaching services purchased as described.