Let’s talk New Year’s Resolutions… Yes, I know it’s almost the end of February. The perfect timing for you to have a couple of months under your belt in pursuing your Resolutions. How’s it going? I’m going to give you a message that you probably wouldn’t have listened to two months ago so I waited until you tried them out.
New Year’s Resolutions are fundamentally flawed. Why? Because we are compelled to set goals. Goals that we have been wanting to obtain for perhaps years and we think “this year” I’m going to DO IT. Every New Year most of us look at what we are going to do. But instead of Doing, let’s think about what we want to LEARN because when we learn, it stays with us.
But I don’t have time to Learn! I have Goals to meet!
I believe we are meant to learn many things along our life journey. That’s why we are here – to learn. Whether it’s heartbreak, how to handle success or failures, how to forgive, how to love or accept love. We are here to learn and everyone who comes into our lives helps us to learn something. (Yes, everyone – even those who annoy us or hurt us).
Goals and resolutions are great, but in order to run, we need to learn how to walk and why we want to walk. So instead of saying we are going “To Do” something, let’s set the intention of what we want to LEARN this year. When we actively learn, it becomes part of us, a habit, a go to reference point. Once we learn, we can do something a number of times and it becomes a part of who we are and eventually doesn’t require tremendous effort.
What do you want to learn?
Now, identifying what we want to learn can be hard. If it was easy, it would be innate and we’d do it all the time. Let’s think of the Resolutions and translate them into what we want to Learn.
Here are examples of how some common Resolutions translate into Learning:
I’m going to lose 50 pounds = I am going to learn how to eat healthy.
I am cutting out all desserts = I am going to learn where I can decrease my sugar intake
I am going to be more patient = I am going to learn what sets me off and why. I am going to address those “whys” and then learn how I can react differently
I am cutting out all toxic people in my life = I am going to learn how to create a safe space and boundaries for myself
I am not working 60 hour weeks any more = I am going to learn how to delegate, create boundaries and say “no”
I am not going to let people push me around = I am going to learn to nicely communicate what I want and feel confident in my choices
I am going to save money = I am going to learn how to budget my money so I can have fun and save for my future
I am going to get a better job = I am going to learn what I like, want, and don’t want do do in my career and hold myself to that
My Resolution Lesson Learned
Five years ago I knew 2010 would be the start of something different. I knew I needed to go to Bar Method – a type of exercise. I was drawn to it. I didn’t know anything about it, but like most things I have done in my life, I just knew I was meant to be there. Yes, it helped my body and I LOVE my Bar Method classes, but what I learned from it was 1.) Listen to my body 2.) Create boundaries.
Bar Method helps you to focus on specific muscle groups at a time so I became more aware of how each group felt when it was tired, needed stretching, hurt. Being more attuned helped me to listen to my body to know what I need.
Pursuing the class also helped me to create boundaries. “I don’t have time for that” was my mantra before the class, but once I started and felt the effects, I found time and protected that time because I knew how’d I’d feel if I didn’t have that time for me and my body.
Your Next Steps
Ok, so let’s do this.
1.) Find your list of New Year’s Resolutions (dust them off, uncrumble them…)
2.) Next to each one, write down what you need to LEARN. Take your time. This can be tough and perhaps emotional. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s ok to learn something new and expand your self-awareness.
3.) What is a small step you can take tomorrow toward learning it?
4.) Take that small step
5.) Reward yourself
6.) Repeat
Here’s what I’m on my way to learning this year…
- How to maintain the boundaries I’ve set in place
- How to go deeper with my coaching practice
- There’s no right time to write. Just write.
What do YOU want to learn this year? Join me on Facebook to continue the conversation. I’d love to hear what you have to say!
xoxo
Deborah
By reading my blog, you acknowledge that I am not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Coaching is in no way to be construed or substituted as psychological counseling or any other type of therapy or medical advice. I will at all times exercise my best professional efforts, skills and care. However, I cannot guarantee the outcome of coaching efforts and/or recommendations on my blog and my comments about the outcome are expressions of opinion only. I cannot make any guarantees other than to deliver the coaching services purchased as described.